The Tottering Tradition of Arranged Marriages
When people hear the phrase “arranged marriages’’, they usually think of two strangers, who have only talked to each other for ten minutes, getting married. They’re not wrong, that’s how it went in countries such as India before the 21st century. Even though it’s becoming less and less common, there still remains a large population who get arranged marriages as their beliefs hold that it is the most appropriate way to get married.
Now, Psychology Today states that 90% of Indian marriages are arranged and their divorce rates are the lowest as well as the satisfaction rates being high. However, they failed to recognize that there is a bad stigma around divorce and your “reputation” essentially gets ruined if you get a divorce because your chances of getting a second marriage are low, especially for women. Most Indian arranged marriages stay intact as each partner compromises (mostly women) and accept their fate, which can often end in mental health issues, abuse, and/or misery.
Now that we’ve set the premise of arranged marriages, let’s go through the marriage process: It starts off with one pair of parents searching for another set of parents who are also looking for a partner for their child. They can find these people through the newspaper as there are ads for people available for marriage, priests, or even mutuals. After finding a potential candidate, they set up a “blind date” with the families, including the ones looking for a partner in most cases. The families usually met up in the bride’s house and allow the soon-to-be couple to talk for a few minutes and give their decision of agreement or rejection. If they say no, which only happens if something is wrong with one of the families, then the hunt for a partner continues but the family’s expectations lower too as their desperation increases.
If they both agree, they talk, gossip, and laugh while drinking tea (nothing is possible without tea), and then sweets will be distributed to their family members, their neighbors, and the whole city. After, they set up a date for each event (there are countless events) and have to make arrangements so there’s not even a single shortcoming. Caterers, decorators, photographists, videoists, florists, planners, makeup artists, tailors, and so many more all have to be contacted beforehand because you never know if they cancel. Watch out for my future post on The Dynamics of Indian Weddings.
The wedding itself might be excited and exhilarating, but once that’s the fun over, you have to go live with that person you barely know. During the few interactions you have had with them, you have only witnessed their good side. Who would show their character flaws that could potentially break the marriage? Even though this tradition is favored by many in India, it is time we move past this outdated way to get married because it is very risky to enter a binding relationship with someone you barely know. There are only and only three outcomes of an arranged marriage: total misery, happiness, or in the middle of those two. Unfortunately, the former is the most likely outcome to occur as some pairs are not compatible.
Arranged marriages are not the most reputable in other countries such as the U.S.A and often perceived in a strange manner. One feasible proposition is to allow the two people to date for a few years or until they are ready to marry because this will decrease the chance of divorce and increase the understanding between them. However, the current system stems from hundreds and hundred years of conservative traditions which means it will take time for it to change. Until then, we can hope that parents don’t end up choosing an airhead for their child.
